Reflective practice is, in its simplest form, thinking about or reflecting on what you do. It is closely linked to the concept of learning from experience, in that you think about what you did, and what happened, and decide from that what you would do differently next time.
Thinking about what has happened is part of being human. However, the difference between casual ‘thinking’ and ‘reflective practice’ is that reflective practice requires a conscious effort to think about events, and develop insights into them. Once you get into the habit of using reflective practice, you will probably find it useful both at work and at home.
Reflective Practice as a Skill
Various academics have touched on reflective practice and experiential learning to a greater or lesser extent over the years, including Chris Argyris (the person who coined the term ‘double-loop learning’ to explain the idea that reflection allows you to step outside the ‘single loop’ of ‘Experience, Reflect, Conceptualise, Apply’ into a second loop to recognise a new paradigm and reframe your ideas in order to change what you do).
They all seem to agree that reflective practice is a skill which can be learned and honed, which is good news for most of us.
Developing and Using Reflective Practice
What can be done to help develop the critical, constructive and creative thinking that is necessary for reflective practice?
Neil Thompson, in his book People Skills, suggests that there are six steps:
Read - around the topics you are learning about or want to learn about and develop
Ask - others about the way they do things and why
Watch - what is going on around you
Feel - pay attention to your emotions, what prompts them, and how you deal with negative ones
Talk - share your views and experiences with others in your organisation
Think - learn to value time spent thinking about your work
In other words, it’s not just the thinking that’s important. You also have to develop an understanding of the theory and others’ practice too, and explore ideas with others. Reflective practice can be a shared activity: it doesn’t have to be done alone. Indeed, some social psychologists have suggested that learning only occurs when thought is put into language, either written or spoken. This may explain why we are motivated to announce a particular insight out loud, even when by ourselves! However, it also has implications for reflective practice, and means that thoughts not clearly articulated may not endure.
It can be difficult to find opportunities for shared reflective practice in a busy workplace. Of course there are some obvious ones, such as appraisal interviews, or reviews of particular events, but they don’t happen every day. So you need to find other ways of putting insights into words. Although it can feel a bit contrived, it can be helpful, especially at first, to keep a journal of learning experiences. This is not about documenting formal courses, but about taking everyday activities and events, and writing down what happened, then reflecting on them to consider what you have learned from them, and what you could or should have done differently. It’s not just about changing: a learning journal and reflective practice can also highlight when you’ve done something well. Take a look at our page What is Learning? to find out more about the cycle of learning (PACT) and the role that reflection (or ‘Considering’) plays in it.
Resource: skillsyouneed.com
Thứ Hai, 22 tháng 8, 2016
Chủ Nhật, 21 tháng 8, 2016
Personal Change Management Skills
Why do some people seem to sail gently through all the changes life throws at them, while others get upset if they have to change even their breakfast cereal?
The key is in how you view change, and your level of acceptance of uncertainty.
There is plenty of evidence that what we find most stressful as human beings is uncertainty, not change in itself. Even the most difficult life events, such as divorce or marital separation, can be more stressful in terms of the uncertainty.
Very often, it’s not the event, but the worry about ‘what will I do?’, or ‘how will the children cope?’ that people find hard. But there are some simple skills that you can develop that will help you to manage change in your own life, whether through work or life events.
Stress: Some Background
Our pages on stress management provide more information about understanding stress and stressful life events, but here it is worth repeating that stress is not all in the mind. Stress can cause genuine physical symptoms, including dizziness, tension headaches, diarrhoea and insomnia, which in turn can make you feel worse, and even more stressed.
This kind of ‘negative feedback loop’ is common in nature, and is designed to make you stop! Your body is trying to tell you something and, if you don’t listen to it, you could find yourself becoming very ill indeed.
Don’t be tempted to ignore the symptoms of stress, and hope that they go away by themselves. They won’t. Instead, you need to deal with the causes.
If you are struggling with stress and it's making you unwell you should seek professional help from a counsellor or health-care provider.
There is plenty of evidence that we all go through more or less the same process when dealing with change, although particular stages may take rather longer in some cases than others.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross looked at the way people come to terms with the news that they have a terminal illness, and developed a model called the Transition or Change Curve. Later studies showed that people react in similar ways to bereavement and also to changes at work.
The model shows that people start in a state of denial, with quite high levels of energy and confidence, but that confidence and energy then dip as they feel the need for support, and then become angry, asking questions like ‘Why me?’. They then start to move towards exploration of their condition and new options, and into acceptance.
The most important element to remember is that:
Once you have made your final decision about what you can and can’t change, and what you are going to do about it, stick to it.
Accept your decision and move on. Don’t constantly worry about ‘what if’, as that will undermine all your good work in parking the things that you can’t control. It doesn’t even matter if the reason that you can’t realistically do anything is ‘I have too much else on in my life to have time to deal with this’. It’s fine. Give yourself a break, and accept your own wisdom.
Resource: skillsyouneed.com
The key is in how you view change, and your level of acceptance of uncertainty.
There is plenty of evidence that what we find most stressful as human beings is uncertainty, not change in itself. Even the most difficult life events, such as divorce or marital separation, can be more stressful in terms of the uncertainty.
Very often, it’s not the event, but the worry about ‘what will I do?’, or ‘how will the children cope?’ that people find hard. But there are some simple skills that you can develop that will help you to manage change in your own life, whether through work or life events.
Stress: Some Background
Our pages on stress management provide more information about understanding stress and stressful life events, but here it is worth repeating that stress is not all in the mind. Stress can cause genuine physical symptoms, including dizziness, tension headaches, diarrhoea and insomnia, which in turn can make you feel worse, and even more stressed.
This kind of ‘negative feedback loop’ is common in nature, and is designed to make you stop! Your body is trying to tell you something and, if you don’t listen to it, you could find yourself becoming very ill indeed.
Don’t be tempted to ignore the symptoms of stress, and hope that they go away by themselves. They won’t. Instead, you need to deal with the causes.
If you are struggling with stress and it's making you unwell you should seek professional help from a counsellor or health-care provider.
There is plenty of evidence that we all go through more or less the same process when dealing with change, although particular stages may take rather longer in some cases than others.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross looked at the way people come to terms with the news that they have a terminal illness, and developed a model called the Transition or Change Curve. Later studies showed that people react in similar ways to bereavement and also to changes at work.
The model shows that people start in a state of denial, with quite high levels of energy and confidence, but that confidence and energy then dip as they feel the need for support, and then become angry, asking questions like ‘Why me?’. They then start to move towards exploration of their condition and new options, and into acceptance.
The most important element to remember is that:
Once you have made your final decision about what you can and can’t change, and what you are going to do about it, stick to it.
Accept your decision and move on. Don’t constantly worry about ‘what if’, as that will undermine all your good work in parking the things that you can’t control. It doesn’t even matter if the reason that you can’t realistically do anything is ‘I have too much else on in my life to have time to deal with this’. It’s fine. Give yourself a break, and accept your own wisdom.
Resource: skillsyouneed.com
Lifelong Learning
Most people associate learning with formal education at school, college, university etc. We are all told, from an early age, that we should ‘get a good education’.
Generally speaking it is true that a formal education and the resulting qualifications are important. Education may maximise our potential to find better, more satisfying jobs, earn more and, perhaps, become more successful in our chosen career.
However, ‘schooling’ is only one type of learning. There are many other opportunities to further your knowledge and develop the skills you need throughout life.
Knowledge can be acquired and skill-sets developed anywhere – learning is unavoidable and happens all the time. However, lifelong learning is about creating and maintaining a positive attitude to learning both for personal and professional development.
Lifelong learners are motivated to learn and develop because they want to: it is a deliberate and voluntary act.
Lifelong learning can enhance our understanding of the world around us, provide us with more and better opportunities and improve our quality of life.
There are two main reasons for learning throughout life: for personal development and for professional development. These reasons may not necessarily be distinct as personal development can improve your employment opportunities and professional development can enable personal growth.
Learning for Personal Development
There does not need to be a specific reason for learning since learning for the sake of learning can in itself be a rewarding experience.
There is a common view that continuous learning and having an active mind throughout life may delay or halt the progress of some forms of dementia, although there is actually very little scientific evidence to support these claims. However, keeping the brain active does have advantages since learning can prevent you from becoming bored and thus enable a more fulfilling life at any age.
There are, of course, many reasons why people learn for personal development.
You may want to increase your knowledge or skills around a particular hobby or pastime that you enjoy.
Perhaps you want to develop some entirely new skill that will in some way enhance your life – take a pottery or car mechanic course for example.
Perhaps you want to research a medical condition or your ancestry.
Perhaps you’re planning a trip and want to learn more about the history and culture of your destination.
Maybe you will decide to take a degree course later in life simply because you enjoy your chosen subject and the challenges of academic study.
Learning for Professional Development
Being well-educated is not necessarily the key to employment.
Although qualifications may get you an interview, actually getting the job can take a lot more.
Employers are looking for well-balanced people with transferable skills. This includes the ability to be able to demonstrate that you are keen to learn and develop.
If you do find yourself unemployed then use the time wisely. Learning something new can pay-off with new opportunities which might not otherwise have arisen.
While you are employed, take advantage of training, coaching or mentoring opportunities and work on your continuous professional development as you will likely become better at what you do and more indispensable to your current or future employer.
Putting the time in for extra learning brings its own rewards.
It means we can get more personal satisfaction from our lives and jobs as we understand more about who we are and what we do. This can lead to better results and a more rewarding working day in turn. If you choose to learn about another complementary sector, this enables opportunities to specialise and potentially earn more or move to a connected industry. In turn this gives us wider experience on which to build our knowledge and more transferable skills in readiness for your next move.
From a financial point of view, a more highly skilled and knowledgeable worker is an asset to any company and can lead to faster promotion with associated salary increases.
Someone who can offer more expertise will be of more value not just to employers but also to customers. Expertise is also, often, a key quality of an effective leader.
If you are frustrated with your job, continuing to hone your skills will make it easier to find new ways out of a potentially stressful work situation. Keeping an open mind to learning and giving yourself room for flexibility is key to job satisfaction. Furthermore, potentially staying ahead of competitors for jobs by being more experienced or knowledgeable can give you an edge.
Learning Gives You Options
The bottom line is that, whatever your life path, there are a number of sometimes unanticipated benefits to continual personal and professional development.
Whatever your age, it's never too late to start.
Successfully changing career path in mid-life and spending time informally developing expertise is more common than ever, especially during rapidly changing market conditions.
Most people still rely on succeeding in employment for their ability to earn a living. The more flexible we can be about our direction, the easier we make our lives.
Our economy is shifting increasingly towards short-term and part-time contracts with more flexible work-patterns whilst old industries are shifting abroad. We have to adapt to changes going on in the work-world and make more of ourselves by stepping out of our comfort zones and ideas of how we believe our life is going.
Relying on job permanence for earnings and promotion is not as feasible as it once was.
Because of work-life instability, more people of all ages are turning their hobby into a business idea. Continually following one’s passion outside of work hours can lead you to get paid for doing what you love, and typically you will develop business and other transferable skills as you go along until the point that you can delegate your least favourite jobs.
Resource: skillsyouneed.com
Generally speaking it is true that a formal education and the resulting qualifications are important. Education may maximise our potential to find better, more satisfying jobs, earn more and, perhaps, become more successful in our chosen career.
However, ‘schooling’ is only one type of learning. There are many other opportunities to further your knowledge and develop the skills you need throughout life.
Knowledge can be acquired and skill-sets developed anywhere – learning is unavoidable and happens all the time. However, lifelong learning is about creating and maintaining a positive attitude to learning both for personal and professional development.
Lifelong learners are motivated to learn and develop because they want to: it is a deliberate and voluntary act.
Lifelong learning can enhance our understanding of the world around us, provide us with more and better opportunities and improve our quality of life.
There are two main reasons for learning throughout life: for personal development and for professional development. These reasons may not necessarily be distinct as personal development can improve your employment opportunities and professional development can enable personal growth.
Learning for Personal Development
There does not need to be a specific reason for learning since learning for the sake of learning can in itself be a rewarding experience.
There is a common view that continuous learning and having an active mind throughout life may delay or halt the progress of some forms of dementia, although there is actually very little scientific evidence to support these claims. However, keeping the brain active does have advantages since learning can prevent you from becoming bored and thus enable a more fulfilling life at any age.
There are, of course, many reasons why people learn for personal development.
You may want to increase your knowledge or skills around a particular hobby or pastime that you enjoy.
Perhaps you want to develop some entirely new skill that will in some way enhance your life – take a pottery or car mechanic course for example.
Perhaps you want to research a medical condition or your ancestry.
Perhaps you’re planning a trip and want to learn more about the history and culture of your destination.
Maybe you will decide to take a degree course later in life simply because you enjoy your chosen subject and the challenges of academic study.
Learning for Professional Development
Being well-educated is not necessarily the key to employment.
Although qualifications may get you an interview, actually getting the job can take a lot more.
Employers are looking for well-balanced people with transferable skills. This includes the ability to be able to demonstrate that you are keen to learn and develop.
If you do find yourself unemployed then use the time wisely. Learning something new can pay-off with new opportunities which might not otherwise have arisen.
While you are employed, take advantage of training, coaching or mentoring opportunities and work on your continuous professional development as you will likely become better at what you do and more indispensable to your current or future employer.
Putting the time in for extra learning brings its own rewards.
It means we can get more personal satisfaction from our lives and jobs as we understand more about who we are and what we do. This can lead to better results and a more rewarding working day in turn. If you choose to learn about another complementary sector, this enables opportunities to specialise and potentially earn more or move to a connected industry. In turn this gives us wider experience on which to build our knowledge and more transferable skills in readiness for your next move.
From a financial point of view, a more highly skilled and knowledgeable worker is an asset to any company and can lead to faster promotion with associated salary increases.
Someone who can offer more expertise will be of more value not just to employers but also to customers. Expertise is also, often, a key quality of an effective leader.
If you are frustrated with your job, continuing to hone your skills will make it easier to find new ways out of a potentially stressful work situation. Keeping an open mind to learning and giving yourself room for flexibility is key to job satisfaction. Furthermore, potentially staying ahead of competitors for jobs by being more experienced or knowledgeable can give you an edge.
Learning Gives You Options
The bottom line is that, whatever your life path, there are a number of sometimes unanticipated benefits to continual personal and professional development.
Whatever your age, it's never too late to start.
Successfully changing career path in mid-life and spending time informally developing expertise is more common than ever, especially during rapidly changing market conditions.
Most people still rely on succeeding in employment for their ability to earn a living. The more flexible we can be about our direction, the easier we make our lives.
Our economy is shifting increasingly towards short-term and part-time contracts with more flexible work-patterns whilst old industries are shifting abroad. We have to adapt to changes going on in the work-world and make more of ourselves by stepping out of our comfort zones and ideas of how we believe our life is going.
Relying on job permanence for earnings and promotion is not as feasible as it once was.
Because of work-life instability, more people of all ages are turning their hobby into a business idea. Continually following one’s passion outside of work hours can lead you to get paid for doing what you love, and typically you will develop business and other transferable skills as you go along until the point that you can delegate your least favourite jobs.
Resource: skillsyouneed.com
Personal Empowerment
Personal empowerment is about looking at who you are and becoming more aware of yourself as a unique individual.
Personal empowerment involves developing the confidence and strength to set realistic goals and fulfil your potential. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses and a range of skills that are used in everyday situations, but all too often people remain unaware of, or undervalue, their true abilities.
A person aiming for empowerment is able to take control of their life by making positive choices and setting goals. Developing self-awareness, an understanding of your strengths and weaknesses - knowing your own limitations is key to personal empowerment.
Taking steps to set and achieve goals - both short and longer-term and developing new skills, acts to increase confidence which, in itself, is essential to self-empowerment.
What is Personal Empowerment?
At a basic level, the term 'empowerment' simply means 'becoming powerful'. Building personal empowerment involves reflecting on our personal values, skills and goals and being prepared to adjust our behaviour in order to achieve our goals. Personal empowerment also means being aware that other people have their own set of values and goals which may different to ours.
Many other, more detailed, definitions exist. These usually centre on the idea that personal empowerment gives an individual the ability to:
Take control of their circumstances and achieve their own goals in their personal and working life.
Become more aware of their strengths and weaknesses and therefore be better equipped to deal with problems and achieve goals.
Enhance the contribution they make both as an individual and as a member of a team.
Take opportunities to enhance personal growth and a sense of fulfilment.
Developing personal empowerment usually involves making some fundamental changes in life, which is not always an easy process. The degree of change required will differ from person to person, depending on the individual starting point.
Dimensions of Personal Empowerment
The following ‘dimensions of personal empowerment’ are based on the belief that the greater the range of coping responses an individual develops, the greater their chance of coping effectively with diverse life situations. These dimensions are:
Self-Awareness
Self-awareness involves understanding our individual character and how we are likely to respond to situations. This enables us to build on our positive qualities and be aware of any negative traits which may reduce our effectiveness. Self-aware people make conscious decisions to enhance their lives whenever possible, learning from past experiences.
Values
Values are opinions or beliefs that are important to us but of which we are not always aware. They can be any kind of belief or perceived obligation, anything we prefer and for any reason. The reasons we may prefer one thing over another, or choose one course of action over another, may not always be obvious or known; there may be no apparent reason for our values. Nevertheless our values are important to us as individuals. In order to be self-aware it is necessary to be aware of our values, to critically examine them and to accept that our values may be different from those of others.
Skills
An individual's skills are the main resource which enables them to achieve their desired goals. Skills can be gained through experience, practice, education and training. It is only by developing such skills that individual values can be translated into action.
Information
Knowledge or information is necessary in the development of self-awareness and skills. It is an essential skill in itself to know where to find appropriate information. Without information, the choices open to people are limited, both in their personal and working lives. The internet has provided an easy way for everybody to access huge amounts of information very quickly and easily. The problem is then centred around the quality of the information found, and the skill set is concerned with finding accurate and reliable information.
Goals
Setting goals is a means by which an individual can take charge of his/her life. The process of setting a goal involves people thinking about their values and the direction that they would like their lives to follow. Choices are made through reflection followed by action. Goals should always be both specific and realistic. Setting personal goals gives us a sense of direction in life, this direction is essential to personal empowerment.
Language and Empowerment
Language is the main medium of human communication whether used in spoken or written form.
The use of language, how individuals express themselves verbally and non-verbally to others, can be empowering to both themselves and the people with whom they are communicating. Looking at how language is used is important in terms of self-empowerment and when attempting to empower other people.
The Use of Language for Personal Empowerment
In terms of personal empowerment and communication the following ideas are helpful and their use can be both self-affirming and positive:
Use Positive Language: Research into language suggests that a person's self-image is reflected in the words that they use. For example, people who say they 'should' behave in a certain way implies passivity and can detract from them seeming to be in control and taking responsibility for their actions. Talking about yourself in a positive way, acknowledging strengths and weaknesses, can be empowering.
Use Active Language: Use terms which imply positive action rather than making vague statements, particularly when talking about the future. For example, 'I will...' and 'I can...'.
Use Words to Define Your Own Space and Identity: If you fail to use words to define your own space and identity then others will tend to define you and set standards by which you evaluate yourself. Furthermore, they will try to persuade you to conform to their demands. Be clear about who you are and what your values and goals are – do not let others define you.
The Use of Language for Empowering Others
In order to use language to help empower others:
Do not use jargon or complex terminology: The use of jargon and complex terminology can be both alienating and dis-empowering. When working with others the use of jargon can create feelings of intimidation and inferiority. Without shared understanding of the words you use, effective and empowering communication cannot take place. Choose words with care, which give clarity to what you are trying to express.
Focus on the words people use: Mirror words people use, see our pages: Reflection and Clarification for more information. Using shared terminology appropriately can enable you appear more ‘in tune’ with the other person and what they are saying.
Choose positive words: Choosing positive or active words such as 'will' or 'can' indicates that you have control in your life and is more likely to induce positive action in others. Compare the use of these words with others such as ‘might' or 'maybe' which suggest hesitancy. Using words and statements which carry responsibility are empowering as they suggest a determined rather than a passive approach.
Avoid criticism and negativity: Criticism should always be given with extreme care and only when absolutely necessary. Once words have been spoken they cannot be easily taken back. If criticism is necessary then it can be given in a constructive way, through the use of positive and supporting words and phrases. Always attempt to cushion criticism with positive observations.
Use open questions when appropriate: The use of closed questions will restrict responses to 'yes' and 'no' answers. This type of question can leave people feeling powerless because there is no opportunity to explain their response. On the other hand, open questions give the person being asked the chance to explore the reasons behind their answers. Open questions encourage a person to take responsibility for their thoughts and actions and can therefore aid empowerment. Open questions can also help people to solve problems through their own devices, help them to set their own goals and work out an appropriate plan of action. See our pages: Questioning and Question Types for more information.
Developing Self-Empowerment
We all have opportunities to explore and develop new skills. In order to become more empowered we can, in our interactions with others, aim to:
Develop trust.
Understand our strengths, weaknesses and limits.
Develop confidence and self-esteem.
Developing Trust
Developing trust can be a difficult and lengthy process. In order to develop trust with others you may choose to:
Be Open: In the sharing of information, ideas and thoughts. When appropriate also sharing emotions, feelings and reactions. Also aim to reciprocate appropriately, when somebody shares their emotions, thoughts or feelings with you.
Share and Co-operate: Share resources and knowledge with others to help them to achieve their goals. Work together towards mutual goals.
Be Trustworthy: When other people place their trust in you, do your best to provide positive outcomes.
Be Accepting: Hold the values and views of others in high regard.
Be Supportive: Support others when necessary but also recognise their strengths - allowing them to work towards goals without your intervention as appropriate.
In the workplace, and in any professional working relationship there are three basic components of trust:
Trust in the integrity and goodwill between all workers, regardless of salary or status and whether paid or unpaid.
Trust that all workers within an organisation share the same objectives and are open with each other about any conflicting objectives.
Trust in each other's competence and to do what you promise to undertake.
Resource: skillsyouneed.com
Personal empowerment involves developing the confidence and strength to set realistic goals and fulfil your potential. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses and a range of skills that are used in everyday situations, but all too often people remain unaware of, or undervalue, their true abilities.
A person aiming for empowerment is able to take control of their life by making positive choices and setting goals. Developing self-awareness, an understanding of your strengths and weaknesses - knowing your own limitations is key to personal empowerment.
Taking steps to set and achieve goals - both short and longer-term and developing new skills, acts to increase confidence which, in itself, is essential to self-empowerment.
What is Personal Empowerment?
At a basic level, the term 'empowerment' simply means 'becoming powerful'. Building personal empowerment involves reflecting on our personal values, skills and goals and being prepared to adjust our behaviour in order to achieve our goals. Personal empowerment also means being aware that other people have their own set of values and goals which may different to ours.
Many other, more detailed, definitions exist. These usually centre on the idea that personal empowerment gives an individual the ability to:
Take control of their circumstances and achieve their own goals in their personal and working life.
Become more aware of their strengths and weaknesses and therefore be better equipped to deal with problems and achieve goals.
Enhance the contribution they make both as an individual and as a member of a team.
Take opportunities to enhance personal growth and a sense of fulfilment.
Developing personal empowerment usually involves making some fundamental changes in life, which is not always an easy process. The degree of change required will differ from person to person, depending on the individual starting point.
Dimensions of Personal Empowerment
The following ‘dimensions of personal empowerment’ are based on the belief that the greater the range of coping responses an individual develops, the greater their chance of coping effectively with diverse life situations. These dimensions are:
Self-Awareness
Self-awareness involves understanding our individual character and how we are likely to respond to situations. This enables us to build on our positive qualities and be aware of any negative traits which may reduce our effectiveness. Self-aware people make conscious decisions to enhance their lives whenever possible, learning from past experiences.
Values
Values are opinions or beliefs that are important to us but of which we are not always aware. They can be any kind of belief or perceived obligation, anything we prefer and for any reason. The reasons we may prefer one thing over another, or choose one course of action over another, may not always be obvious or known; there may be no apparent reason for our values. Nevertheless our values are important to us as individuals. In order to be self-aware it is necessary to be aware of our values, to critically examine them and to accept that our values may be different from those of others.
Skills
An individual's skills are the main resource which enables them to achieve their desired goals. Skills can be gained through experience, practice, education and training. It is only by developing such skills that individual values can be translated into action.
Information
Knowledge or information is necessary in the development of self-awareness and skills. It is an essential skill in itself to know where to find appropriate information. Without information, the choices open to people are limited, both in their personal and working lives. The internet has provided an easy way for everybody to access huge amounts of information very quickly and easily. The problem is then centred around the quality of the information found, and the skill set is concerned with finding accurate and reliable information.
Goals
Setting goals is a means by which an individual can take charge of his/her life. The process of setting a goal involves people thinking about their values and the direction that they would like their lives to follow. Choices are made through reflection followed by action. Goals should always be both specific and realistic. Setting personal goals gives us a sense of direction in life, this direction is essential to personal empowerment.
Language and Empowerment
Language is the main medium of human communication whether used in spoken or written form.
The use of language, how individuals express themselves verbally and non-verbally to others, can be empowering to both themselves and the people with whom they are communicating. Looking at how language is used is important in terms of self-empowerment and when attempting to empower other people.
The Use of Language for Personal Empowerment
In terms of personal empowerment and communication the following ideas are helpful and their use can be both self-affirming and positive:
Use Positive Language: Research into language suggests that a person's self-image is reflected in the words that they use. For example, people who say they 'should' behave in a certain way implies passivity and can detract from them seeming to be in control and taking responsibility for their actions. Talking about yourself in a positive way, acknowledging strengths and weaknesses, can be empowering.
Use Active Language: Use terms which imply positive action rather than making vague statements, particularly when talking about the future. For example, 'I will...' and 'I can...'.
Use Words to Define Your Own Space and Identity: If you fail to use words to define your own space and identity then others will tend to define you and set standards by which you evaluate yourself. Furthermore, they will try to persuade you to conform to their demands. Be clear about who you are and what your values and goals are – do not let others define you.
The Use of Language for Empowering Others
In order to use language to help empower others:
Do not use jargon or complex terminology: The use of jargon and complex terminology can be both alienating and dis-empowering. When working with others the use of jargon can create feelings of intimidation and inferiority. Without shared understanding of the words you use, effective and empowering communication cannot take place. Choose words with care, which give clarity to what you are trying to express.
Focus on the words people use: Mirror words people use, see our pages: Reflection and Clarification for more information. Using shared terminology appropriately can enable you appear more ‘in tune’ with the other person and what they are saying.
Choose positive words: Choosing positive or active words such as 'will' or 'can' indicates that you have control in your life and is more likely to induce positive action in others. Compare the use of these words with others such as ‘might' or 'maybe' which suggest hesitancy. Using words and statements which carry responsibility are empowering as they suggest a determined rather than a passive approach.
Avoid criticism and negativity: Criticism should always be given with extreme care and only when absolutely necessary. Once words have been spoken they cannot be easily taken back. If criticism is necessary then it can be given in a constructive way, through the use of positive and supporting words and phrases. Always attempt to cushion criticism with positive observations.
Use open questions when appropriate: The use of closed questions will restrict responses to 'yes' and 'no' answers. This type of question can leave people feeling powerless because there is no opportunity to explain their response. On the other hand, open questions give the person being asked the chance to explore the reasons behind their answers. Open questions encourage a person to take responsibility for their thoughts and actions and can therefore aid empowerment. Open questions can also help people to solve problems through their own devices, help them to set their own goals and work out an appropriate plan of action. See our pages: Questioning and Question Types for more information.
Developing Self-Empowerment
We all have opportunities to explore and develop new skills. In order to become more empowered we can, in our interactions with others, aim to:
Develop trust.
Understand our strengths, weaknesses and limits.
Develop confidence and self-esteem.
Developing Trust
Developing trust can be a difficult and lengthy process. In order to develop trust with others you may choose to:
Be Open: In the sharing of information, ideas and thoughts. When appropriate also sharing emotions, feelings and reactions. Also aim to reciprocate appropriately, when somebody shares their emotions, thoughts or feelings with you.
Share and Co-operate: Share resources and knowledge with others to help them to achieve their goals. Work together towards mutual goals.
Be Trustworthy: When other people place their trust in you, do your best to provide positive outcomes.
Be Accepting: Hold the values and views of others in high regard.
Be Supportive: Support others when necessary but also recognise their strengths - allowing them to work towards goals without your intervention as appropriate.
In the workplace, and in any professional working relationship there are three basic components of trust:
Trust in the integrity and goodwill between all workers, regardless of salary or status and whether paid or unpaid.
Trust that all workers within an organisation share the same objectives and are open with each other about any conflicting objectives.
Trust in each other's competence and to do what you promise to undertake.
Resource: skillsyouneed.com
Positive Thinking
Positive thinking is the idea that you can change your life by thinking positively about things.
This idea can sound a bit soft and fluffy, which is something of a problem for many people who recognise that just thinking good thoughts won’t change the world and therefore discard the whole idea.
However, research shows that positive thinking really does have a scientific basis. You can’t change the world, but you can change how you perceive it and how you react to it. And that can change the way that you feel about yourself and others, which can in turn have a huge effect on your well-being.
The Effect of Negative Thinking
To understand the effect of positive thinking, it’s helpful to think about negative thinking first.
Most negative emotions, such as fear or anger, are designed to help with survival. They cause us to take swift and effective action to save ourselves from whatever is threatening us. This means that they also prevent us from being distracted by other things around us.
So far, so good, in survival terms. If there’s a bear standing in front of you, you don’t want to stop to pick flowers.
But negative thinking is not so great in more modern settings. If you’ve got a lot to do, and you’re worried that you won’t get it all done, the last thing you need is for your brain to shut down and focus only on how long your ‘To Do’ list has got.
Negative thinking is a habit, something you can train your brain to avoid. Constant negative thinking can make you much more likely to be stressed and can lead to more serious problems, like depression.
See our pages: Avoiding Stress and What is Depression? for more information.
The Power of Positive Thinking
Barbara Fredrickson, a researcher at the University of North Carolina, carried out a classic experiment with five groups of people where she showed each group images designed to provoke a different emotional response.
Group 1 saw images designed to trigger feelings of joy;
Group 2’s images were selected to make them feel contented;
Group 3’s images were neutral;
Group 4 saw images to make them afraid; and
Group 5 saw a series of images designed to make them angry.
Each group was then asked to write down what actions they would take in a situation that created similar feelings.
Groups 4 and 5 wrote down significantly fewer actions than the other groups. Groups 1 and 2 wrote down the most actions.
In other words, feeling positive emotions helps you to identify more possibilities and options in your life.
But what is perhaps even more interesting is that these extra possibilities and options seem to translate into action.
People who think more positively are more likely to do things to deliver on those options. They build new skills and develop existing ones, so that they genuinely have more options in life.
Positive Thinking in Practice: The Placebo Effect
High quality trials for new medicines and therapies compare a treatment group, which receives the new treatment, with a ‘control group’ that does not.
But as a general rule, these control groups do not just have ‘no treatment’. Instead, they receive a ‘placebo’, that is, a treatment substitute which looks like the real thing, but has no physical effect. Examples of placebos include sugar pills or flavoured water instead of genuine tablets or medicines.
Why do they receive a placebo? Because of the power of positive thinking...
The ‘Placebo Effect’ is a well-documented phenomenon in medicine, in which those who think that they are being given a new and effective treatment are more likely to recover than those who know that their treatment is nothing new.
The placebo effect may sound extraordinary, but it has been seen time and time again in clinical trials.
The lessons are twofold:
New treatments have to ‘beat’ placebos to be sure that they have a real effect; and
The mind is an extremely powerful tool and, if at all possible, healthcare practitioners should help their patients to draw on it.
A positive attitude will probably not cure cancer in itself. But positive thinking will make it easier to manage your life, reduce stress, and also help you to take care of yourself better. And those things are important to help you recover from serious diseases.
Developing Habits of Positive Thinking
If you think about positive thinking as ‘being happy’, it is much easier to work out what you should do to develop habits based on it.
For example, what do you like doing? And with whom do you like spending time?
Research shows that there are three very good ways to build positive thinking skills:
1. Meditation
People who meditate every day show more positive thinking than those who do not.
Is that the meditation causing the positive thinking, or just having time to think? It’s hard to tell, but it’s also hard to argue with the science. People who meditate tend to show more mindfulness, or ability to live in the present, which is also associated with positive thinking.
2. Writing
A group of undergraduates were asked to write about an intensely positive experience every day for three days.
Amazingly, they had better moods and better physical health afterwards, and the effect lasted for quite a long time. This is a pretty easy thing to do: you could, for example, write a blog focusing on positive experiences, or keep a diary.
3. Play
It’s important to make time for yourself to have fun.
Sometimes you might need to actually put it into your diary to force yourself to make that time, whether it’s to meet a friend for coffee, or go out for a walk or a bike ride.
Resource: skillsyouneed.com
This idea can sound a bit soft and fluffy, which is something of a problem for many people who recognise that just thinking good thoughts won’t change the world and therefore discard the whole idea.
However, research shows that positive thinking really does have a scientific basis. You can’t change the world, but you can change how you perceive it and how you react to it. And that can change the way that you feel about yourself and others, which can in turn have a huge effect on your well-being.
The Effect of Negative Thinking
To understand the effect of positive thinking, it’s helpful to think about negative thinking first.
Most negative emotions, such as fear or anger, are designed to help with survival. They cause us to take swift and effective action to save ourselves from whatever is threatening us. This means that they also prevent us from being distracted by other things around us.
So far, so good, in survival terms. If there’s a bear standing in front of you, you don’t want to stop to pick flowers.
But negative thinking is not so great in more modern settings. If you’ve got a lot to do, and you’re worried that you won’t get it all done, the last thing you need is for your brain to shut down and focus only on how long your ‘To Do’ list has got.
Negative thinking is a habit, something you can train your brain to avoid. Constant negative thinking can make you much more likely to be stressed and can lead to more serious problems, like depression.
See our pages: Avoiding Stress and What is Depression? for more information.
The Power of Positive Thinking
Barbara Fredrickson, a researcher at the University of North Carolina, carried out a classic experiment with five groups of people where she showed each group images designed to provoke a different emotional response.
Group 1 saw images designed to trigger feelings of joy;
Group 2’s images were selected to make them feel contented;
Group 3’s images were neutral;
Group 4 saw images to make them afraid; and
Group 5 saw a series of images designed to make them angry.
Each group was then asked to write down what actions they would take in a situation that created similar feelings.
Groups 4 and 5 wrote down significantly fewer actions than the other groups. Groups 1 and 2 wrote down the most actions.
In other words, feeling positive emotions helps you to identify more possibilities and options in your life.
But what is perhaps even more interesting is that these extra possibilities and options seem to translate into action.
People who think more positively are more likely to do things to deliver on those options. They build new skills and develop existing ones, so that they genuinely have more options in life.
Positive Thinking in Practice: The Placebo Effect
High quality trials for new medicines and therapies compare a treatment group, which receives the new treatment, with a ‘control group’ that does not.
But as a general rule, these control groups do not just have ‘no treatment’. Instead, they receive a ‘placebo’, that is, a treatment substitute which looks like the real thing, but has no physical effect. Examples of placebos include sugar pills or flavoured water instead of genuine tablets or medicines.
Why do they receive a placebo? Because of the power of positive thinking...
The ‘Placebo Effect’ is a well-documented phenomenon in medicine, in which those who think that they are being given a new and effective treatment are more likely to recover than those who know that their treatment is nothing new.
The placebo effect may sound extraordinary, but it has been seen time and time again in clinical trials.
The lessons are twofold:
New treatments have to ‘beat’ placebos to be sure that they have a real effect; and
The mind is an extremely powerful tool and, if at all possible, healthcare practitioners should help their patients to draw on it.
A positive attitude will probably not cure cancer in itself. But positive thinking will make it easier to manage your life, reduce stress, and also help you to take care of yourself better. And those things are important to help you recover from serious diseases.
Developing Habits of Positive Thinking
If you think about positive thinking as ‘being happy’, it is much easier to work out what you should do to develop habits based on it.
For example, what do you like doing? And with whom do you like spending time?
Research shows that there are three very good ways to build positive thinking skills:
1. Meditation
People who meditate every day show more positive thinking than those who do not.
Is that the meditation causing the positive thinking, or just having time to think? It’s hard to tell, but it’s also hard to argue with the science. People who meditate tend to show more mindfulness, or ability to live in the present, which is also associated with positive thinking.
2. Writing
A group of undergraduates were asked to write about an intensely positive experience every day for three days.
Amazingly, they had better moods and better physical health afterwards, and the effect lasted for quite a long time. This is a pretty easy thing to do: you could, for example, write a blog focusing on positive experiences, or keep a diary.
3. Play
It’s important to make time for yourself to have fun.
Sometimes you might need to actually put it into your diary to force yourself to make that time, whether it’s to meet a friend for coffee, or go out for a walk or a bike ride.
Resource: skillsyouneed.com
The Importance of Mindset
Why is it that some people seem to shine in any sphere in which they choose to exert themselves, and others cannot manage even a glimmer despite obvious talent?
Research shows that it’s the way that they think about their ability that really counts.
Most of those who have achieved greatness, to use Shakespeare’s phrase, have worked extremely hard to get there. Many were told that they would never amount to anything. But they believed that they could achieve, and worked hard to do so.
Fixed or Growth Mindset?
There are two ways to view intelligence or ability:
Ability it is fixed or ingrained – in other words, we are born with a certain level of ability and we cannot change that. This is called a fixed mindset.
We can develop our ability through hard work and effort. This is called a growth mindset.
These two different beliefs lead to different behaviour, and also to different results. For example, students with a growth mindset were shown to increase their grades over time. Those who believed that their intelligence was ingrained did not; in fact, their grades got worse.
Having a growth mindset (the belief that you are in control of your own ability, and can learn and improve) is the key to success.
Yes, hard work, effort, and persistence are all important, but not as important as having that underlying belief that you are in control of your own destiny.
Mindset in Practice
People with these two mindsets actually think differently and also react to information differently.
In particular, they respond differently to information about performance.
In people with a fixed mindset, the brain is most active when they are being given information about how well they have done, for example, test results or grades.
In people with a growth mindset, the brain is most active when they are being told what they could do to improve.
It’s a very different approach: from ‘How did I do?’ to ‘What can I do better next time?’
One is about how they are perceived, and one is about how they can learn. You can see which one is likely to lead to better results in future.
Dealing with Setbacks
These mindsets also cause people to deal with setbacks differently.
People with a fixed mindset are very discouraged by setbacks, because a setback dents their belief in their ability. They tend to become uninterested and give up.
People with a growth mindset view a setback as an opportunity to learn. They tend to try harder in an effort to overcome the problem.
Neuroplasticity:
Did you know your brain can change?
The good news is that you can change your mindset.
Neuroscience shows that our brains continue to develop and change even as adults. Old dogs really can learn new tricks.
The brain is actually quite like plastic, and can be reshaped over time, forming new neural pathways. This has led neuroscientists to call this tendency neuroplasticity.
These neural pathways are developed by doing or thinking particular things. The things that we do or say more often become hard-wired into our brains as habits. These form defined ‘routes’ in our brain, which become easier to use.
But you can still change them. The first step is to realise that you need to, then to train your brain in the new skill. It may help to think about this learning as a cycle, and the competence cycle is described further on our page What is Coaching?.
There are three key things that you can do to develop a growth mindset:
You need to recognise that a growth mindset is not just good, but is also supported by science. In other words, you need to be committed to developing a growth mindset.
You can learn and teach others about how to develop and improve their abilities through adopting a growth mindset. This will help you to take control of your life, which is hugely empowering. Research shows that people who feel in control tend to perform better. It’s a virtuous cycle.
Listen out for your fixed mindset voice. When you hear that little critical voice in your head telling you that you can’t do something, reply with a growth mindset approach and tell it that you can learn.
Mindsets in Life
Mindsets are not just important for learning new skills. They can affect the way that we think about everything.
For example, a growth mindset can help you recover from illness because you believe that you can do something about the illness. They can help you achieve in sport, at work and can also help you grow and develop in relationships.
Cultivating a growth mindset could be the single most important thing you ever do to help you achieve success.
Resource: skillsyouneed.com
Research shows that it’s the way that they think about their ability that really counts.
Most of those who have achieved greatness, to use Shakespeare’s phrase, have worked extremely hard to get there. Many were told that they would never amount to anything. But they believed that they could achieve, and worked hard to do so.
Fixed or Growth Mindset?
There are two ways to view intelligence or ability:
Ability it is fixed or ingrained – in other words, we are born with a certain level of ability and we cannot change that. This is called a fixed mindset.
We can develop our ability through hard work and effort. This is called a growth mindset.
These two different beliefs lead to different behaviour, and also to different results. For example, students with a growth mindset were shown to increase their grades over time. Those who believed that their intelligence was ingrained did not; in fact, their grades got worse.
Having a growth mindset (the belief that you are in control of your own ability, and can learn and improve) is the key to success.
Yes, hard work, effort, and persistence are all important, but not as important as having that underlying belief that you are in control of your own destiny.
Mindset in Practice
People with these two mindsets actually think differently and also react to information differently.
In particular, they respond differently to information about performance.
In people with a fixed mindset, the brain is most active when they are being given information about how well they have done, for example, test results or grades.
In people with a growth mindset, the brain is most active when they are being told what they could do to improve.
It’s a very different approach: from ‘How did I do?’ to ‘What can I do better next time?’
One is about how they are perceived, and one is about how they can learn. You can see which one is likely to lead to better results in future.
Dealing with Setbacks
These mindsets also cause people to deal with setbacks differently.
People with a fixed mindset are very discouraged by setbacks, because a setback dents their belief in their ability. They tend to become uninterested and give up.
People with a growth mindset view a setback as an opportunity to learn. They tend to try harder in an effort to overcome the problem.
Neuroplasticity:
Did you know your brain can change?
The good news is that you can change your mindset.
Neuroscience shows that our brains continue to develop and change even as adults. Old dogs really can learn new tricks.
The brain is actually quite like plastic, and can be reshaped over time, forming new neural pathways. This has led neuroscientists to call this tendency neuroplasticity.
These neural pathways are developed by doing or thinking particular things. The things that we do or say more often become hard-wired into our brains as habits. These form defined ‘routes’ in our brain, which become easier to use.
But you can still change them. The first step is to realise that you need to, then to train your brain in the new skill. It may help to think about this learning as a cycle, and the competence cycle is described further on our page What is Coaching?.
There are three key things that you can do to develop a growth mindset:
You need to recognise that a growth mindset is not just good, but is also supported by science. In other words, you need to be committed to developing a growth mindset.
You can learn and teach others about how to develop and improve their abilities through adopting a growth mindset. This will help you to take control of your life, which is hugely empowering. Research shows that people who feel in control tend to perform better. It’s a virtuous cycle.
Listen out for your fixed mindset voice. When you hear that little critical voice in your head telling you that you can’t do something, reply with a growth mindset approach and tell it that you can learn.
Mindsets in Life
Mindsets are not just important for learning new skills. They can affect the way that we think about everything.
For example, a growth mindset can help you recover from illness because you believe that you can do something about the illness. They can help you achieve in sport, at work and can also help you grow and develop in relationships.
Cultivating a growth mindset could be the single most important thing you ever do to help you achieve success.
Resource: skillsyouneed.com
Thứ Ba, 9 tháng 8, 2016
How Can I Improve My Listening Skills?
The lack of an ability to listen well stems from either the lack of a decent attention span or the desire to actually pay attention. Since you want to change and concentrate on what people say, let's assume you do care about the words that come out of other people's mouths. When other people talk, the mind has an opportunity to wander because it doesn't have to process any specific actions. You have to trick it into believing it actually has something to do. That takes some work, but a few tricks can help you out.
Look Invested
People who listen well look a certain way. They appear engaged by making eye contact. They communicate listening mode with body language that covers their mouth (e.g. steepled fingers or just a hand placed gently in front of it). You want to fake this body language as naturally as possible. You want to make eye contact, but don't give the speaker a death stare. You don't want to look like you've trained your eyes on them. If you can't make constant eye contact right away, just look at the bridge of their nose or a little below. You can also get away with looking at their mouth because they're talking. Eyes move naturally all the time, so look at them for most of the conversation but feel free to momentarily break contact now and again.
While it helps to cover your mouth a little to communicate your "listening mode," you don't want to go in and out of this body language like a robot. If you stare at them when you listen and immediately cover your mouth, you'll look like a machine. The listener probably won't realize your goal and just think you have some peculiar mannerisms. Let them start, and if you think they'll talk for awhile just shift your weight a little like you're seeking a more comfortable position. When doing this, you can cover your mouth to demonstrate interest and lack of desire to interrupt. If you have trouble integrating this right away, put your focus on not fidgeting first. That'll help you gain some concentration that you can put towards better body language.
This may seem like advice to a sociopath who needs to learn how to pass as a regular human being, but everyone has a few social skills that leave a little (or a lot) of room for improvement. When you don't really know what to do or how to act, you have to fake it. Eventually you'll get used to it and become it, downplaying any anxiety listening had caused. It seems kind of ridiculous, but it really helps. Once you start to act like a good listener, you will come to believe you are a good listener.
Watch the Speaker's Body Language
Your body language matters to the speaker, but you have to watch them as well. Most of our communication comes from our bodies, so when you fail to actively listen it helps to understand body language cues so at least you'll gain some context.
What do you want to watch out for? Start with the facial expression, because that's easy. It'll give you a road map of the speaker's emotional state and you won't have to hear a word. We all understand the basics: smiles and laughs point to joy, frowns don't, and averted eyes signal discomfort. Closed body language (e.g. crossed arms) also disclose discomfort. Watch people as they talk without listening and you'll start to get used to hearing with your eyes. These clues make it easier to figure out what you missed in a conversation, so practice looking for them. When you make a habit of it, you'll naturally pick up on body language and won't have to try anymore.
Learn to Speed-Listen
Speed readers blow through paragraphs using a pretty specific technique. They start in the middle of a sentence and read every third word or so. How are they able to skip so much text and still comprehend what's going on? Thanks to our peripheral vision and a little fill-in-the-blanks trick our brains naturally provide, we can glean the meaning from text without reading most of it. Try reading this sentence in full:
I can raed tinghs out of oderr.
You most likely understood that sentence says "I can read things out of order" even though the letters in many of the words sit in the wrong position. When we read, we really only look at the first and last letters of a word and our brain assumes the rest based on what we sort of see. We also fill in words based on other words in a sentence. This causes mistakes from time to time, but usually it works so well we never even notice it.
So what does this have to do with listening better? While you can't employ your peripheral vision to hear better, you can let your brain fill in the blanks. You'll need to practice in order to get better, but once you do you won't need to pay attention to everything a person says to understand them properly. You'll only need to listen to the first sentence, the last sentence, and chunks of words in between. With that small amount of information you'll know the following:
- The topic the speaker brought up and what to expect as they continue to talk
- Key words relating to their overall points
- What they expect from you when they finish talking.
You obviously can't do this in a lecture or anywhere that requires you to listen to lots of details, but you can pull it off in a conversation. To accomplish this, you'll need to practice these things:
- Put all your concentration into hearing the first sentence and understand what was said. In the beginning, you may want to try and keep your mind invested in a little bit of what comes after, too.
- Allow your mind to wander, but bring it back to the conversation whenever possible. Most people think the way they speak, so you'll likely have pauses between thoughts and can quickly tune back into the conversation. You have to train yourself to pay attention briefly during these pauses. Even if you struggle to control your attention, your mind wanders because it enjoys that fragmentation. Use that to your advantage and switch out of your thoughts to focus on the speaker's whenever you have a chance. Eventually it will become second nature.
- Use the eye contact you developed in the previous section to watch for changes in body language. When people get ready to wrap up their point and expect a response, they have a tell. That tell varies between people, but in my experience it regularly involves a slight shift in weight and attention directed back at themselves. For example, this can manifest itself as a scratch on the head (or elsewhere on the body). Watch people as they talk and you'll start to notice when they're finishing their final lap. When you do, start to focus and make sure you hear the last sentence. This sentence will tell you how they want you to respond.
You will make a lot of mistakes learning to do this, but you can recover easily. Keep these phrases in mind as you fail:
- "I'm so sorry, my brain just went on autopilot and I completely spaced out there for a second. What was the last thing you just said?" You don't have to ask them to repeat everything, just the tail end. You'll get enough from that to provide a response to move the conversation forward.
- "Sorry, I'm having trouble hearing you. There's a lot of noise right behind me. Can you say that again?" Obviously you need a noisy environment to make this one believable.
- "Sorry, I don't think I understood that last part. Sometimes my brain jumbles things up for no reason. Try me again?" Use this if you missed a lot and they'll give you a quick summary. It helps a lot with people who tend to go on and on with minute detail (e.g. people like me).
As you get better at speed listening, you won't need to bother with these recovery statements too often. When you gain the ability to listen selectively—yet still productively—despite your poor focus, you can use a better recovery method: ask a question. If someone decides to launch into a monologue about how they adopted a dog and the resulting stress, listen for those key words and the closing sentence. They may expect a statement out of you, but that doesn't mean you can't ask them a related question. For example, you could say this:
"Wow, that does sound stressful. What do you think you're going to do about it?"
With that, you barely used any information they gave you but you responded to the emotional core of their speech. They feel stressed out, so you justified their feelings with an agreement. Most people crave this and will overlook the vagueness of a response because they essentially got what they wanted anyway.
Asking a followup question—one that doesn't even have to directly relate to anything they said—helps in two significant ways. First, it redirects the topic to them so they have to think about what they just said. (Therapists use this all the time to help you make self discoveries, so why not pass that benefit along to your friends?) If you have them thinking about themselves and not your incredibly vague question, they won't consider that you probably didn't pick up much of what they said. Furthermore, they'll actually repeat a lot of the information you missed as they give you an answer. You can use their answer to fill in more blanks and make it look like you heard what they said as the conversation continues.
Once you get these skills down you'll just keep getting better and better at gleaning information from conversations you only listen to in part. While that may seem kind of horrible on the surface, as these methods allow you to mostly ignore people and let your minder wander instead, we're trying to solve an unfortunate problem here. Your mind will wander anyway, whether you like it to or not, so you have to make the best of the situation and get as much information as you can despite your lack of listening ability. I've found that I can concentrate a lot more in a conversation now because I've employed these techniques, so your listening skills may actually improve anyway. If you want to listen better, you have to take baby steps—even ones that might seem a little unfair to the people talking to you.
Resource: lifehacker.com
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